Of Blood and Rubies

Was a long and dark December
From the rooftops I remember
There was snow
White snow

Clearly I remember
From the windows they were watching
While we froze down below

When the future's architectured
By a carnival of idiots on show
You'd better lie low

If you love me
Won't you let me know?

Was a long and dark December
When the banks became cathedrals
And the fog
Became God

Priests clutched onto bibles
And went out to fit their rifles
And the cross was held aloft

Bury me in honour
When I'm dead and hit the ground
A love back home unfolds

If you love me
Won't you let me know?

I don't want to be a soldier
With the captain of some sinking ship
With snow, far below

So if you love me
Why'd you let me go?

I took my love down to violet hill
There we sat in snow
All that time he was silent still

So if you love me
Won't you let me know?

If you love me,
Won't you let me know?

Wow, suddenly there is so much to do, both from the side of monetary work and scholastic obligations. Well, its good to know that the money's gonna be coming in but schoolwork really is a priority.

So here I am juggling the psychedelic circus of my life, watching the whirling balls of colour as they disappear up and fall back down. So the clown fights the lull of sleep, juggling ever so deftly, fuelled by mere adrenaline, the smell of coffee and Necessity. The ballerina teeters on the tightrope, always wondering how much balance the lacy umbrella ever gave her. The trapeze artist soars across the tent, always careful to catch the next swing for the fear of falling must never show.

The sawdust and glitter turn the scene into a beautiful snowglobe while the flashing lights turn heads towards the Ringmaster. Clad in a top hat and tails, a sleek, elegant cane in one gloved hand, the Ringmaster bows low.

The circus never sleeps. The show must go on.


Photo credits: Pirate-Queen on DeviantART

It's a whole new perspective you get when you sit at the back. It was always comfy at the front with everyone, but sometimes Necessity picks you, struggling, out of that comfort zone. And while you're dangling from Necessity's grasp, you get a bird's-eye view of all the people who are still in that nest. Then you wonder if they realise you're gone, wonder if they miss you...

Then you turn and look at those who have gone before you. They are not the ones who are still straining with the pinched skin at the nape of their necks. They're the ones who took flight and leapt off the edge, soaring towards the horizon as they went. You know you missed them, you know you wished that they didn't leave and wished that they'd always know the way home.

And then you wonder if that's how the rest felt when they saw you go...

Okay so I'm severely irritable this morning... It's probably because I haven't had my morning java (which is more likely Green Tea Cream from Starbucks) on top of other things...

Firstly it's homework. There's just tons and tons of it. Once I get even close to completing the notes for the week, another week begins and I'm behind time again. In addition to notes, there are scientific journals to read, essays to write, presentations to do, ideas to form and groups to rally. I don't know how I'm going to survive this sem. Last sem's grades were less than satisfactory though I really shouldn't complain. But still, argh.

Secondly, I keep getting the notion that everybody's getting the good stuff, and I'm left out of it. (In a way also, the literal Canada of Hetalia... uncanny.) Don't get me wrong, I'm really happy for them like Silk who got to see Adam Lambert and get his autograph, my family who gets to go to Universal Studios... I'm really glad for them but sometimes I wish I could be in the loop too. (Curse you homework and school. Lady Luck, a little help here please.) The thing is, it's mainly due to homework and school that I can't go, so I'm torn between fun, once-in-a-lifetime experiences and my duty as a student and my grades. Unfortunately there really is no argument as to which to attend to.

Thirdly, there's the money issue again. I'm juggling (well, more like trying to catch the falling apples and oranges) work and study. I'm grateful for the work because I need to save up desperately for a trip to Russia (which is actually on the top of a VERY long list) but again, my nemesis resurfaces: Schoolwork. (No, it does not seem like my parents are going to help with the trip cost)

Lastly, (well there are other itty bitty things but...) I feel like I'm being judged left, right and center. I get critiqued for my diet (yes, that includes my lovely breakfast at the START of the day), my Aikido training, my general attitude etc. And I hate having a conscience. I hate having to try to justify myself all the time. Even on my freaking blog. Sometimes I wish I could be just one of those people that everyone thinks is wonderful and all that. Sometimes, I'm sick and tired of being me.

When a change comes, some species feel the urge to migrate. A pull of the soul to a far-off place. Following a scent in the wind, a star in the sky. The ancient message comes, calling the kindred to take flight and gather together. Only then can they hope to survive the cruel season to come.

It seems that everyone's doing what they want and what they love... Maybe I should start doing the same...

Day Two of Trimester Three has proved to be so much worse than Day One. But the worst part of it all is that I can't seem to find the root of the problem. Or identify if there is a problem at all. All I know is that everyone's feeling horrible and the great feeling of seeing friends again is gone. I really just want it to be over. It can be said that it doesn't really matter where everyone sits or what changes in subjects take place because it's up to individual choice. But I realise that it does affect people. To be a little selfish, it affects me. But it hurts more than just a little to see all of us lost in a myriad of misunderstandings and tension. It seems like I have to keep asking "What's going on?" or "So what's the plan now?" to make sure I don't get forgotten or left behind.

To my friends: Please, tell me if there's something wrong. If there is, let's solve it and put it behind us. If I was the one in the wrong, I'm sorry. Please, I don't want this horrible mess to continue. Let's all be friends again.

My teacher is late. I don't have any textbooks. My laptop is gonna run out of battery. There are too many people in my class. Dynamics are changing. My teacher is here. She looks like she just stepped out of Sex and the City. It's only the second lesson. I'm thinking of baking cakes. She has a french? accent. It's great to see you guys again. I thought we were friends. I guess I should have known better. Welcome to Day One, Trimester Three.

I'm back on the cupcake craze again, just two days before I have to go back to school. While there would be no cupcakes until next hols (or when I can dig out some time), I've been squirreling out recipes from the library and the internet. I'm seriously considering making Russian Earl Grey cupcakes (or rather, teacakes) as my next baking project. (This has been approved and supported by Belarus-chan) Well, we'll see :)

And just a little cupcake quote:
"America is an enormous frosted cupcake in the middle of millions of starving people"
- Gloria Steinem

Here's my recommendation for a great baking blog:
whisk-kid.blogspot.com

Hmmm... I think I need a new camera for daily uses that is more portable than my DSLR. Don't get me wrong, I still loves my DSLR but it can get a little bulky. I realise I've been lagging behind in my photography hobby, and I really need to brush up or I'll turn as stagnant as pond scum. IT fair's coming up in Singapore! March somewhere, they say. Does anyone have recommendations for a camera? :D

I'm thinking about a photo printer too but I think that one will have to wait...Oh yes, I probably need to get a new hard disk or start spring-cleaning the one I have... How on earth did I use 500GB within a year? In addition to that, I need a better memory card for my PSP, 4GB really isn't enough.